Arty & Bob in New York
by Maritza Manga
Summary: Woooo, spinoff
1. Arty&Bob: Jesus Freak Misshap

**.:…:. Thought**

**A/N: **Welp this is another chapter involving cur-azy religious peoples. (Reference to Artemis Fowl: And the Date from Hell.)

_ Carnival- Scotland _

Bob and Artemis walked through the carnival hand-in-hand. They stopped by one of the attractions, a cage, with a little red-headed girl bouncing up and down on a trampoline saying "Me likey jumpy! Me likey Jumpy!" over and over in a high-pitched voice. They threw peanuts at her.

Suddenly a Jesus freak ran up to them and whacked them both over the head with a cross. (This actually happened allot.) They both blacked out.

_ Creepy church basement-New York ('cuz I'm getting tired of everything being British(ish?)) _

Artemis slowly regained consciousness. .: Were am I? Was I hit on the head? Wait…isn't Butler supposed to protect me from these sorts of things? Why the hell do we pay him???:. Many other questions ran through Artemis' head, buuut, I don't feel like writing them down.

A man in a hooded robe walked up to Artemis; he had a badge on his robe of a rainbow with a red X over it. This did not look good for Artemis'n Bob.

During all this Bob had also awakened, but I'm not going to write down what he was thinking, because anything going through that boy's head would automatically make this story X-rated.

"Huh? Were am I? Mommy?" Bob murmured.

"Silence witches!" Ordered a man in a gold robe. "Huh?" Said Bob (He's just oh-so-articulate.) "Witches? Us?" He questioned. "Yesssss…I can tell you're witches! We saw you holding hands! You MUST be children of the Devil!!!" Practically yelled the man in the gold robe (Tacky). Bob snorted and said with as much sarcasm as his head wound would allow- "Yes, we're witches. Ooblagoobadabi! There! I put a curse on you! Prepare for uncontrollable bowl movements!" The hooded-peoples gasped in union and ran for the bathrooms. (No- they aren't really cursed, but the power of the mind can do mysterious things.)

Artemis and Bob casually walked out of the church. "Um…Bob? Would you be my new bodyguard?" Artimis inquisited (I love that big word o'mine.) "Sure Art---" Bob stopped abruptly. Now that they were out of the church they could see the Statue of Liberty, loads of coffee shops, and dozens of rude taxi drivers. "Arty, I don't think we're in Scotland anymore."


	2. Arty&Bob: New York, New York

'…' Thought

A/N: Been a while? No? Do not be confuzzled about the new section, I just felt this should be a story on it's own, so that my other section can remain plot less and random.

Ps. I don't claim to know anything about New York, and anyone to complain about my jokes on special Ed kids can kiss the fattest part of my ass. Thank you.

_**New York, New York**_

Two figures stood at the base of the Statue of Liberty, after closely escaping death, or a forceful 'de-fagification', which would be much, **much** worse.

"Well, what do we do now?"

Artemis looked around at Bob, and furrowed his brow. "I…don't know." Artemis, being the smarter-than-thou type, would only admit this to his lover, Bob.

(The audience already knows this shit, but I find repeating myself easy on the writer's block.)

He continued, "From our landscape, I take it we're in New York." Bob looked at Artemis quixotically, and looked admiringly at the Statue of Liberty "What makes you say that?_ 'Ooh, pretty dress!' _Artemis stepped away from Bob, and calmly tried to channel his inner "teacher for a 'special' child" which, if you think about it, wouldn't be all that hard, considering his boyfriend's intellect (or lack of.). "Bob, darling, that's the Statue of Liberty. It's in New York. There for, we are in…?" Bob would have furrowed his brow, if he weren't deathly afraid of wrinkles that is. "We're in…New York?" Artemis smiled, _'Maybe his_ isn't_ a total dumb ass after all!' _then said to Bob,"Very good! You're getting better at this!"

Bob walked around in a contemplative circle. "Hey! I have an idea!" Artemis looked surprised _'He could answer my question,_ and _he has an idea! This is_ quite _a day!'_ he then cocked an eyebrow, Bob (as said before) wasn't the brightest crayon of the box, and if it weren't for his randome bursts of whitty sarcasm, and tight ass, Artemis might never have dated him to begin with. "What? What can we do to get out of here?" This tiem it was Bob who cocked (COCK!!!) the eyebrow and said "Actualy, I wasn't concerned with getting out, I was going to suggest we go to the movies and see 'Passion of Christ 2: Jesus' Revenge'."

Artemis let out an agitated grunt of frustration "**Good GOD** man! We 'r stranded! We don't have any money…" suddenly the two heard a beeping from Artemis' pocket, he reached inside and pulled out his cellphone. "…and ding-fucking-dong! MY CELLPHONE'S DEAD!"

Bob walked over to Artemis and placed his head on little Arty's shoulder. "Arty-?" Artemis looked up, love in his dark blue eyes "Yes, darling?" Bob gave him a seductive smile, "I saw a nice clearing behind the statue; want to try the 'expeditionist' thing?"

Artemis let out a disgusted grunt, and shoved Bob off him. "**GOOD _GOD_**, YOU REALLY ARE NO BETTER THAN A SPCIEL ED STUDENT!"


End file.
